it's been two weeks...

it's been two weeks since niel and i had separated our ways.. it's been 3 weeks since the last time i saw him.. and i miss him so bad.. darn! i tried to get numb so i won't feel the pain that continously sinking deep within me.. but the more i tried.. the more it hurts.. after 2 weeks i had finally got the chance to talk to him.. God knows how much i cried.. hearing his voice eases all the pains that i hide inside my heart.. i can still feel the love in him that he was trying to hide while we were talking.. and all i can do is to pray that God help us to patch things up.. i know i was wrong when i emailed him that it was all over between the two of us.. and until know.. there's a feeling of uncertainties that he still loves me the way he do when everything between us were all okay.. i don't know what will happen next.. it's getting more painful everyday.. i want to die just to end the pain.. but i'd rather not.. because i still dream of growing old with him and having a happy and peaceful life with him..

please tell me until when will i hear those words again..
words that makes my heart beats faster..
words that comforts me and eases all of my anxieties..
words that will make me live..

his support means so much to me..
his reassurance gets me through and makes me strong..
he makes me smile when my heart and mind find it so hard to..
and the thought of loosing him scares me shitless..

i love you baby...

my last goodbye...

i never thought that i would face such a painful experience.. the guy that i have loved and given all my life to had cheated me... i was expecting that he would fight for me.. the way i have fought for him.. but i just found out that he's inlove with somebody else.. i feel the world turned upside down.. it's really painful.. maybe because i love him too much.. too much that i didn't keep anything for myself.. i just thought that he is the one i would share my life with... the one whom i could build my future with... i'm dreaming of having the family of my own.. to grow old with him... but all of these now were just in my dreams... i don't know how would i keep the pain away... every where i look it's always him that i see.. in everything that i do it's always him that i think of.. it hurts me the most when you call your new girl the way you call me... i just thought that i was the only one... after all the things that we both dreamed and planned together.. even though you found your new baby... i swear to god that you will be the only one.. and i will love you til the end of time.. you're still my baby and that forever will be... ='(

life is too short....

yeah.. life is too short.. a closest friend of mine passed away last wednesday night.. died while he was sleeping.. so sad we will be celebrating our 25th birthday next month.. I just couldn't believe it when i saw him lying in his white casket.. i was crying the whole time.. i was in the office when i received a call from my cousin using his ate's number.. i just thought they were just fooling me.. but when i heard them all crying.. my heart beats so fast and before i knew it i was crying out loud... everything happens so fast.. the last time i was with him was last saturday.. now i know why he looks so sad that day..

thanks for all the good memories that i have shared with you.. you've been a good friend and brother not only to me but to everyone in the APYM community as well.. thanks for all the help.. for the companion.. for listening to all my kwentos.. na inaabot ng umaga.. ma mi-miss ko yung pagtambay nyo sa haus.. thanks for sharing your secrets with me.. and for keeping my secrets as well... thanks for teaching me how to draw... for making me cards..(hehe.. i'm sure wherever you are you'll still laugh at this..).. wala na kong kaagaw sa lumpiang shanghai kapag kumakain tayo kina dondon... and last... for designing my "flag" when i was the "kapitana".. lahat ng bandera ko na ginamit sa sayaw.. i will keep it kasi yun lang yung remembrance ko mula sa'yo... and for taking good care of mara.. though things turned out bad way before this things happened you still find time to straighten things before you left..

i'm sure we all gonna miss him.. goodbye bro.. til we meet again... ='(

P.S.
say hi to God from me... Ü

it's my bhebhe and i first year and second month anniversary.. well i haven't seen him for a couple of days now.. something bad happened.. i just hope and pray that everything will be okay between the two of us.. we have faced alot of trials in our relationship during the past 14 months of us being together.. and though i am hurting inside i'd still be happy to reminice the things that we've been through.. good and bad.. i can never love a person more than i have loved you baby.. i still love you and i wanna grow old with you... i really miss you so bad.. ='(

vulnerable me..

bhebhe and i just had a fight.. i don't know why i'm so sensitive these past few days.. well.. maybe because i was just too tired from all the work in the office.. too much pressure at home.. and i was in this stage of thinking so much when will i be able to give my self a break from all the troubles and anxieties that i was in for a couple of months now.. to have all these responsibilities is not a joke.. if only i knew, i'd rather not grew though it's fun to be able to experience things you wouldn't know would make you a perfect person is totally an achievement. well if my bhebhe happens to pass by.. just wanna say sorry baby for being so childish again.. i just thought that you would love the dress i wore today.. i was thinking before on how you would be proud of me and i was just trying to impress you more.. but i was wrong.. and i know you're only after on my safety since i am working on a graveyard shift and i have to commute all alone without you to protect me.. i do perfectly understand your point and i admit that i was this stubborn and inconsiderate to accept your explanation..anyway all things are said and done.. i just have to be more careful next time.. i love you baby.. muuaaahhhh!!! :)

finally i'm back to my senses.. i almost forgot that i have this blog thing.. grrrr... i don't even have anything written in this blog for almost 5 months in a row.. whew!

kakabadtrip... gusto ko nang umuwi pero wala 'kong magawa.. i've been in the night shift for a year and yet hindi pa rin ako sanay.. asar talaga! sino ba kasi nagpa-uso ng graveyard shift?? waaaaaa... i want to go home.. i'm tired and i miss my bhebhe so much..

first time

my first blog, i just heard about the site from erix (my officemate).. just want to say thanks to erix for introducing me about this site.. it's really cool...